30 DAYS IN TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 16

DAY 16 THE HARSH TONGUE

In our impatience and frustration with incompetence or low productivity in others, we may sometimes make what some feel are harsh remarks.  You know like the cashier who is learning and keep having to ask for questions and such.

Solomon says of the wise women in the book of Proverbs “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (PROVERBS 3:26) Speaking kindly to others was one of the core principles of this woman’s life. When you really think about it, there is never any justification for being harsh or unkind in our communication. If we claim that God is our Father, we won’t practice such behavior either.

As a steward of the grace God has extended to us, we must in turn extend that same grace to others. We must cultivate the habit of speaking kind words especially to those whom we feel may not deserve it-isn’t that what grace is all about?

This does not mean that we are to bury our heads in the sand and refuse to deal with problematic situations. However, before we approach anyone, we must go to God and get His words, which always get the desire results?

There are various degrees of harshness with verbal abuse being at the extreme end of the spectrum. The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me” is totally untrue. Harsh words NEVER die, and they can impact a person for a lifetime. Many who are considered society’s outcast today have been victims of verbal abuse at some point during their lives. If you find that you are probe to speaking harshly when angry, begin, to seek God for deliverance.

Words never die. The lodge permanently in the heart of the hearer. Because they have such long-lasting impact, it behooves us to release them with wisdom and care. Harshness emanates from our fleshly nature which, in its selfishness, fails to stop and understand the impact of our communication.

Kindness on the other hand is produced in us by the Holy Spirit, who wants to dwell in our hearts continually and to impact our every word. Harshness at its extreme becomes verbal abuse. Unlike physical abuse which attacks the body, verbal abuse attacks a person’s soul- the very core of their being.

Solomon said “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” PROVERBS 16:32. You can begin to take control over that destructive behavior by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Remember that cutting words can never be recovered, so don’t let harshness or verbal abuse be named among your character traits. Make a decision that kindness will be one of the core principles of your life.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 15:1        PROVERBS 16:24      PROVERBS 12:18

EPHESIANS 4:31-32

1)               What is the harshest thing you can recall ever saying to someone? What motivated you to make this comment? What was your emotional state at the time? Did you apologize? What did you say when you did so? Did you rationalize your behavior or blame the victim for “making” you act this way?

2)              Sometimes harsh words are the results of a person’s impatience with a situation they have had to tolerated way too long. Timely confrontation of issues is critical to avoid “blowing your top” and becoming harsh. Remember these 4 P’s for effected confrontation.

a.   PERSONALLY. Do it yourself, don’t ask or hope that another person will deliver your message.

b.   PRIVATELY. Honor each person’s fragile ego by not criticizing them, even constructively, in the presence of another.

c.    PROMPTLY. Don’t wait too long to address a problem; the long the wait, the greater your frustration will be.

d.   POSITIVELY. Express your belief in the person’s ability to improve their behavior or performance. Keep the focus on the problem and avoid negative words that attack the person’s character or judgment.