30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 30

DAY 30 THE SILENT TONGUE

A man and wife were feuding and giving each other the silent treatment. One night the realized he needed her to wake him up at an early hours to catch a plane. Not wanting to humble himself and be the first to break the silence, he left her a not to wake him at 5 am. The next morning he awakened to find out that he had overslept by a few hours and had missed the flight. As he leaped out of bed to go angrily to confront his wife, he noticed a piece of paper on the nightstand. The note said “It’s 5am. WAKE UP!

Talking is absolutely essential to maintaining effective relationships. We all have heard the saying “Silence is golden”, but it is NOT golden when one uses it as a passive, retaliatory means of expressing his anger or displeasure with a situation. In fact, such silence is a direct violation of our Lord’s command to confront those who offend us. READ MATTHEW 18:15

Trespassing is an unauthorized crossing of a boundary. Many times we may feel we have been trespassed or wronged, but rather than discussing the issue with the offender, we resort to sulking and pouting. Women are especially prone to keeping silent,

Silence is not golden when we refuse to defend someone against unwarranted criticism or vicious rumors. We cannot let our fear of alienation or rejection cause us to allow slander and character assassination when we are well aware of facts to the contrary.

Silence is not golden when it results in us making an undesirable decision by default. After all, silence can indicated consent. Prayer was taken out of public schools in the US because the majority kept quiet and did not protest. Your silence gives consent to others actions.

A Japanese proverb states, “Silent worms digs holes in the walls.” To keep silent when on should be speaking is a sure way to dig holes in your relationships.

While keeping silent is a virtue in some situations, if we want to be a voice for the voiceless, confront personal issues, and fight for justice, we are required to speak up. The key is to always use our voices for the RIGHT purpose, at the RIGHT time and in the RIGHT manner.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 31:8-9 MATTHEW 18:15    ECCLESIASTES 3: 1,7

1)               Those who have not developed good communication skills or who do not understand the importance of effective confrontation will often resort to the silent treatment. Recall a time when you failed to confront an issue directly and chose to use your silence as a means of retaliation.

2)              Thinks of a situation in which you spoke up on behalf of someone who could not speak for himself. What were the results?

3)              Recall a situation in which your silence implied you were in agreement with a certain course of action that you in fact opposed. What fears kept you from speaking up?

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 29

DAY 29 THE INDISCREET TONGUE

After the greet flood that destroyed most of the earth, Noah planed a vineyard. One day he got carried away and drank too much wine. His son Ham discovered him in his tent, drunk and naked. (GENESIS 9:22) Exercising more discretion than Ham, his brothers would not even look on their father, but backed into the tent and covered him with a garment. Their discretion was a sign of their maturity.

Discretion in speech is a key indicator of spiritual and emotional maturity. Saying what is appropriate and necessary in a particular situation reflects a person’s wisdom in restraining his tongue.

One who is discreet shows prudence and wise self-restraint in speech and behavior, and always reap a positive consequence. Indirection can be costly. Some subject matters should simply be off limits for discussion. You would be wise to never discuss your salary or bonus, especially with another company personnel. Your sex life should also be off limits as an item of discussion with a non-counseling outsider.

Ham’s indiscretion proved costly for him. When Noah sobered up, he realized his shame and was sobered up, he realized his shame and was sorely displeased with the manner in which Ham had handled the situation. Noah cursed him and doomed his descendants to slavery.

Have you ever found out something about a leader or other prominent person and could NOT refrain from telling someone? If God has trusted you enough to reveal someone’s NAKEDNESS or SIN, have you ever considered that you were NOT to “see” and “tell” BUT rather to cover that nakedness with discretion and intercession?

This nakedness could be family, friends, coworkers and even church members.  At times you may be called to even confront the individual regarding their wrongdoing, just as Nathan confronted David for his adultery with Bathsheba and murder of her husband.

Whatever God mandates, do it HIS WAY. A public revelation is not always necessary as it can cause irreparable damage to the body of Christ. The punishment is God’s business.

If you are called to confront, do so with love and compassion. NO ONE is PERFECT. Remember that.  God may someday show someone YOUR nakedness. Pray that it will be handled with wisdom. Plant the seed of discretion not.

READINGS AND REFLECTION

PROVERBS 25:11   PROVERBS 5:1-2   PROVERBS 16:22

PROVERS 11:22

1)               “Never make light of the king, even in your thoughts. And don’t make fun of a rich man either. A little bird may tell them what you have said”. ECCELESIATES 10:20. Never underestimate the co-workers who is looking for an opportunity to ingratiate themselves with the higher-ups. Have you even been indiscreet in making comments about a superior and suffered the consequences?

2)              What was the most indiscreet conversation you have ever had, and what did you learn as a result?

3)              Have you suffered any negative consequences as a result of someone else’s indiscreet words?

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 28

DAY 28 THE LOQUACIOUS TONGUE

Have you ever talked to someone who seemed to have diarrhea of the mouth?

On and on they go, from one topic to another.  This issue or problem is known as “loquaciousness”. Just a big word for “motor mouth”.  While women have generally been accused for this use of the tongue, men can be just as guilty.

Excessive talking tends to not glorify God. The apostle Paul told the Thessalonians to “study to be quiet”1 THESSALONIANS 4:11 To ‘study’ implies a striving or intense effort.

A person of few words usually commands more attention when they speak. Perhaps this is so because others assume their words have been chosen carefully after much though and deliberations, unlike the words of those who CONSTANTLY spill them out from an apparently unlimited supply source.

If in the midst of your conversation you find yourself veering down the path of loquaciousness, try these quick detours:

A.  Simply stop talking and ask the other person an open-ended question that would cause them to respond with more than a simple yes or no.

B.  Make the talking count. Share an interesting news story you’ve hears or an insight God has given you on a Scripture.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

1 THESSALONIANS 4:11  PROVERBS 10:19

PROVERBS 17:27      ECCLESIATES 5:2

1)              According to 1 Peter 3:5, women should adorn themselves with a ‘meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God a great price’ Why do you think a quiet spirit is so valuable.

2)             Excessive talking can have a negative impact on your career and social standing. For sure it can have a detrimental spiritual impact, according to Proverbs 10:19. By exercising a little objectivity, you can judge for yourself whether you talk too much. Consider these few questions:

A.  Would the people in your circle of interaction classify you as a talker or a listener?

B.  In conversations with others, do you talk for more than one to two minutes at the time?

C.  Do you notice signs of loss of interest in what you are saying? (people wandering off, eyes darting to the other side of the room, tapping fingers on the table/desk, etc)

D. Are you likely to provide lots of details in your stories?

E. Do you forget to draw others into your conversation and assume they like hearing you talk?

If you answered yes to at least three of these questions, you might consider developing a new strategy for your interactions.

30 DAY TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 27

DAY 27 THE DOUBTING TONGUE

Doubt is an insidious and persistent enemy of our faith. It is one of Satan’s most effective weapon. No matter what we do, it always manages to find a place in the deep corners of our minds- even if only for a fleeting second. Some have learned to conquer it by forging ahead in spite of its presence and standing on the promise of God. Other heed it and miss their destiny.

If we ever hope to tame a doubting tongue, we must become familiar with the promises of God. Words of doubt come out of an UNBELIEVING heart. Of course, merely knowing the promised of God is not enough; we must become proficient at declaring them. Faith comes by hearing. ROMANS 10:17

The more we declare our unbelief, the more reinforced it becomes. The more we assert our confidence in a positive outcome, the more our faith increases. Because we will believe what we constantly hear, we must take personal responsibility for WHAT we hear.  We may have to limit or eliminate our contact with individuals who ten to express negativity about various outcomes, goals or results we desire.

Often our words of doubt originate out of our tendency to act in self-confidence. Self-confidence is a concept touted by the world that tells us we must rely on our own skills and abilities. When we face a challenge and quickly assess our OWN ability to conquer it, we will most likely come up short and doubt.

If the spirit of unbelief plagues you, get a good study Bible and search the Scriptures for verses relating to your areas of concern. Write it down. Meditate on it, often. Memorize it.

What do you find yourself speaking about in a doubtful way? Is it a task for which you feel inadequate? A situation at work? The hopeless of forging an amicable relationship with a difficult person? Perhaps you have even resorted to being a Doubting Thomas, who only believe that he could touch.

God’s children are to live by FAITH, IN GOD. We cannot afford to live in the realm of what we can see and touch. Our doubts can deter our destiny.

Our attitudes and conversations will change when we face the reality that apart from God WE CAN DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Decide today to skip the skepticism, doubt the doubts and believe the best.

READING AND REFLECTIONS

HEBREW 11:6     JEREMIAH 32:27       EPHESIANS 3:20-21

JAMES 1:6-8

1)              What had been the biggest hurdle you have overcome in unbelief in a particular area? What did you do to achieve your victory?

2)             Matthew 21:22 says “ All things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive”. What need are you having difficulty putting into the “whatsoever” category? Why? Could it be that you are exalting the problem about the power of God?

3)             Many times godly people have doubts but have learned how to run to God for assurance and strength. Read the story of King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20. What was his first reaction (verse 3) when he learned that three strong armies were coming against him and his people?  What two things did he do next? Do you regularly employ these strategies?

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 26

DAY 26 THE DISCOURAGING TONGUE

Have you ever dampened someone’s hope, confidence or enthusiasm by raising objections to his proposed action?  Teachers have dashed the dreams of students who had mediocre grades or other shortcomings.

Discouragement has wreaked havoc for ages. Consider the Israelites and their quest for the Promise Land. Right at the brink of reaching their destination, Moses sent Joshua and Caleb along with ten other leaders on a 40 day exploration of Canaan, a land flowing with milk and honey that God had promised them. There they saw everything in extreme abundance. Not only were the fruits in abundance, it took two men to carry a cluster of grapes. They also found giant-size men. They reported back to Moses and the multitude, Joshua and Caleb encouraged the Israelites to proceed to conquer the land. Their cohorts, however had a different perspective. READ NUMBERS 13:31-33

Despite all of the miracles that they had witnessed God perform on their behalf, the multitude believed the discouraging report.

The ten scouts were struck dead with a plague for spreading discouraging reports. God also forced the ENTIRE multitude to turn back to wander in the wilderness for 40 years.  Further God forbade all of those, except Joshua and Caleb, from entering the Promised Land. The discouraging words of ten men caused thousands of men and women to miss their inheritance.

What about you? When you see others faced with negative circumstances, do you lose hope in their ability to succeed? Can you listen to someone’s dreams and plans without making disheartening remarks?

Even if you cannot envision the dreams of another, at least agree to stand in faith with them for God’s perfect will to be done regarding the proposed endeavor. Think of the people who have encouraged you during your lifetime and what a positive effect their words had on you. This world is overflowing with negativity everywhere you look. Everyone needs a little encouragement from time to time. Make a conscious effort to always speak sincere words of affirmation, support and inspiration to those within your circle of concern

Words of encouragement can make winners out of people who maybe have thought they were failures. Woe unto us when we have the power to speak words of motivation and hope but choose rather to destroy a person’s confidence and dreams with discouraging words.

If you are confronted by a discourager, do not let him derail your destiny. Very graciously let them know your eyes are fixed on God, who specializes in doing the impossible. Better yet, be highly selective of those with who you share your dreams.

Encourage others on a daily basis by:

          Taking authority over your own negativity so it does not impact others.

          Listen to the plans of others with genuine interest

          Share faith-building Scripture verse with them

          Agree in prayer with them for their success

          Express your confidence in their abilities

          Give sincere and specific compliments

          Reiterate your love and support

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 12:25  1 THESSALONIANS 5:14       ACTS 15:32

1)               Are you words as refreshing as the rain or are they more like a wet blanket that smothers the hopes of others? Do you make it a habit to given an approving smile to those who are pursuing a certain goal?

2)              What person has been your biggest cheerleader? How have they impacted your life?

3)              Have you ever abandoned a dream or course of action because of someone’s discouraging words, and later regretted your decision to do so?

30 DAYS IN TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 25

DAY 25 THE ACCUSING TONGUE

The Bible is replete with stories and instance of false accusations being made against godly people. Such charges can derail a career, disrupt unity, and wreak havoc in a person’s life. Of course, Satan is the ultimate “accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before God day and night” REVELATIONS 12:10.

 Notwithstanding, God is faithful to His children and has promised “No weapon turned against you will succeed. And everyone who tells lies in court will be brought to justice. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I the LORD, have spoken” ISAIAH 54:17

Let’s look at the story of Job. He had lost his children, his health, and his wealth. To add insult to injury, his insensitive, well-meaning friends accused him of pride, covetousness, and a host of other character failings. (JOB 22)

Three miserable comforters spent the majority of the time trying to convince Job he was responsible for his own woes. Such an accusation was more that this innocent victim of satanic circumstances could bear. Job knew he was an upright man. Being burdened with physical pain, he was also forced to bear the pain of false accusations.

Have you ever charged someone with wrongdoing before you established evidence of their guilt?

Emotional and spiritual maturity dictates that you must seek first to understand rather than making accusations. Look at the example God set in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned. He could have easily said “Adam and Eve, you ungrateful sinners, I should never have trusted you in My garden!” God’s non-accusatory style in confronting Adam and Eve about their trespass provides a powerful model for those of us who tend to accuse before obtaining all the facts of the matter.

“The Lord God called to Adam and said to him “Where are you?” So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” Genesis 3:9-11

Even though God already knew the answers he gave Adam an opportunity to explain his behavior.

Has anyone ever accused you falsely? Have your motives been called into question when you knew they were pure? How should you respond to such injustice? The first step is to ask God’s guidance as to whether to proclaim your innocence and the best way to do so. If the lie has affected someone, you might explain to THAT person that the accusation is simply not true. You have NO CONTROL over whether or not they will believe you.  Also, if you are not certain who the perpetrator is, do not waste your energy trying to find the source of the lie.

If you have the opportunity to refute an accusation, DO SO. If not, simply ask God to bring the truth to light. Remember God is the vindicator and he will see that justice is done.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 3:30    PROVERBS 30:10  PSALM 109:31 ISAIAH 50:9

1)               Read Job 22:6-11. List three failings that Job’s friend Eliphaz accused him of to explain why Job was suffering?

2)              Have you ever made an accusation against someone, only to discover you were wrong? What did you do next? Were your actions such as “becometh holiness”

3)              We must always seek first to understand before making an accusation or drawing a conclusion about a person’s actions.

4)              Write out a prayer asking God to help you not to be a false accuser but to seek first to understand and be diligent in gathering the fact.

30 DAYS IN TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 24

DAY 24 THE RETALIATING TONGUE

According to English philosopher Francis Bacon “ A man that studies revenge keeps his own wound green, which otherwise would head and do well” Retaliation makes us feel that justice has been satisfied when we have been wronged.

There is nothing as easy as verbal retaliation. The thrill of it is only a fleeting pleasure for those who love God; the remorse for succumbing to this sin tends to linger. Some find it one of their biggest challenges.

Can you recall an instance of returning a negative response directly to someone? Your spouse, a co-worker, a friend. Do you feel that if you don’t respond that it makes you weak, a wimp or a doormat?

Retaliate root meaning is “return the punishment”. The Bible is VERY clear in admonishing us to avoid retaliation. “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written, “I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it,” says the Lord” ROMANS 12:17-19 NLT

If you strike out, it is because you have ignored the urging

 of the Holy Spirit and made a conscious decision to take God’s job by returning the punishment. You response requires humility, a desire to understand the other person behavior and a commitment to obey and glorify God.

Try to stay mindful of the fact that when we decide that it is our personal responsibility to avenge the wrongs perpetrated against us, we have crossed the boundary into forbidden territory

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS.

1 PETER 3:9   PSALM 94:1    1 PETER 2:23 ROMANS 12:17-21

1)               Read Matthew 5:44. What are the four things Jesus said we must do for an enemy? Which of the four actions do you find the most problematic?

2)              According to Proverbs 24:17-18, how are you to respond when we hear that misfortune has come to our enemies?

3)              Jesus is our ultimate example of how to respond to suffering at the hand of others. What is his model as explained in 1 Peter 2:23

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 23

DAY 23 THE COMPLAINING TONGUE

No matter how well everything is going, most people can find something to express their disapproval, displeasure or dissatisfaction about- be it the weather, the traffic, the long tines , the cold food, the slow service, the pastor, the church, the boss, the workload, the low pay, the short vacation, inadequate benefits, bad drivers, rising prices, the list is endless. It is the nature of man to complain.

It is interesting to note that the list of things we CAN be grateful for is always a lot longer than our complaint list when we make a conscious effort to train our mind to follow the apostle Paul’s admonition in Philippians 4;8: “Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate o these things”.

What about a legitimate complaint?  In the Numbers 12, there were 5 daughters of Zelophehad. Their fathers had died in the wilderness before reaching the Promise Land. Zelophehad did not have any sons to inherit his portion of the land, and the law did not prove for women to receive the son’s portions instead. These daughters did not have any husbands or son’s either, nor any other man in their immediate family. They were left our completely. Rather than complaining to others, they called for a “congressional hearing” and presented their petition for an inheritance to Moses and the leaders. Moses took their case to God, and He agreed with the woman and granted their request.

Now what do you think the outcome would have been had they simply whined to anyone in the multitude who would listen than bringing it to those in authority? I doubt they would have obtained their inheritance.

A legitimate complain can only be resolved if you direct it to the ONE who can CHANGE your situation. Only a fee people who are dissatisfied, annoyed, or upset by an experience actually takes steps to officially complain about it.

The psalmist of Psalm 142:1-2, did not bore, frustrate or waste the time of others with his complaints. He declares “I pour out my complaints before Him”, the one who could bring change. Notwithstanding, even God tires of CONSTANT complaints.

Be aware of how often you complain about nonessentials matters such as a rainy day, traffic jams, boring television programs, lazy coworkers and so on.

Because complaining is contagious, this is hard to cure. If you are a complainer, you must start to resist the constant “ain’t it awful” party. Other will be glad you did and will stop dreading conversations with you. This is not to say you shouldn’t seek an occasional sympathetic ear or wise counsel from a valued source. However, if you are going to ignore their advice and continue to rehearse the problem each time you converse, beware. Thy listeners shall soon become weary of thee! Whenever you feel a complaint coming on, replace it with a t statement of GRATITUDE or a declaration of a Scripture you have personalized.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PHILLIPIANS 2:14  PSALM 50:23  JAMES 5:9      ROMANS 1:21

PSALM 119:108      PSALM 142:1-2

1)               When others complain to you, try countering their negativity by first agreeing with the REALITY of their complaint (if you do indeed agree) and then putting a positive light on it. Practice BEING the light in a dark world. This will prevent you from being sucked in and allows you to begin to model the joy of the Holy Spirit.

2)              Make a commitment to refrain from expressing your displeasure with any situation for a designed period of time- at least 4 to 7 days Keep a log and make a note for each incident in which you were tempted to complain.

3)              What is the one thing you are tempted to complain about the most? To who do you complain? Does this person have the power to solve the problem? Are you refusing to take responsibility or initiative from changing the problematic situation?

4)              Are you complaints USEFUL or USELESS? Useful are those within your circle of influence that you can impact them directly or have access to someone who can. Useless are situations that are simply time-wasters.

30 DAYS IN TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 22

DAY 22 THE CURSING TONGUE

Obscenities, vulgarity, cursing and using profanity all fall into the same category of behavior that emanates from conditions of the heart. Engaged in by Christians and non-Christians alike, this crude use of the tongue is an affront to out Heavenly Father. It is a learned behavior that must be rooted out and brought under submission to the Holy Spirit.

James 3:10 says ‘Out of the same mouth proceed blessings and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so”

Using profane, obscene or vulgar language is UNBECOMING to a child of God. People use profanity for various reasons. First, they often lack the adequate vocabulary with which to express themselves and therefore feel they must curse for their words to have impact. Those who are challenged in this area must Strat to develop a communication style that is direct, clear and without hostility. Secondly, some people resort to profanity to release their extreme frustration with a situation. They have developed an ungodly pattern of expressing their displeasure and need to retrain their responses. They would do well to decide in advance upon some alternated words to use when they find themselves reaching the peak of frustration.

Profane words should not come out of your mouth, if you are a child of God. However often time we may find ourselves THINKING, though NOT SAYING, them on many occasions. Like when we stub our toe, break something of value, spill a drink, have an encounter with an extremely difficult person or confront any other frustrating situation. This too should cause the Holy Spirit to trouble our spirit. We need to pray that the Lord would take all those words out of our heart and replace them with His expressions.  Thank Him in advance for purging you of profanity and for allowing the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart be acceptable in His sight.

Understand that profanity resides in the heart helps us to reject the idea that a curse word “just slipped out” of our mouth. The reality is that it slipped out of the heart.

Remember that words are verbal thoughts. We must practice the mental discipline of casting down profane thoughts and using words that bring life to our innermost being and to others.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

James 3:8-10        Ephesians 5:4-5  Leviticus 19:12     Psalm 34:13

1)               Read Luke 6:45. What does it say about the real source of evil speaking? Meditate on this for a few minutes.

2)              Read Mark 14:66-72. What was Peter’s emotional state that resorted him to cursing (fearful, angry…)

3)              Do people honor you for not using profanity in your presence? Or are you the one making the apology for such language.

4)              If profanity just seem to “slip” from you lips, write out a prayer decreeing your deliverance. Include Psalm 39:1 as part of your declaration of freedom.

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 21

DAY 21 THE SELF-ABSORBED TONGUE

Everyone needs to know they matter to somebody. Everybody also needs an opportunity to express their concerns, challenges, desires and hopes with a caring listeners. The problem arises when one person esteems his assures about those of all others.

Are most of your conversations with others centered on you and your issues? A self-absorbed tongue will surely alienate others as almost everyone desires to be the focus of attention occasionally.

Become aware of this character flaw in you communication. Ask God to make you genuinely interested in others. If you find yourself involved with a self-absorbed person, try asking them to give you some advice or input about an issue that does not involved them. If they attempt to direct the conversation to themselves, quickly acknowledge their concern about the matter but change the subject to something that is not about them.

If you admit to being self-absorbed type, turn you desires for attention ego boosting, and other selfish needs over to the Heaven Father, who supplies all you needs. Make a conscientious effect to become “Other-absorbed”. Challenge yourself to go a whole day or more without making your issues the focus of your communication. Given everyone you converse with your full attention and watch your relationship deepen.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PHILIPPIANS 2:4 2 TIMOTHY 3:1,5 GALATIANS 6:2

PROVERBS 18:1

1)              If you are self-absorbed, know that it is a learned behavior. Somebody allowed you to become the center of attention. Perhaps you were the only child, the youngest or the most frail, or have some other distinction that caused you to receive most of the focus in your environment as a child. Also know that in any relationships, there has to be mutual sharing and caring for it to work God’s way. Observe you conversations today and notice whether you subtly (or deliberately) manipulate the discussion to focus on your issues. Not how often you say “I”.

2)             Read Esther 5:1-12. Name five things that Haman boasted about to his family and friends.

3)             Narcissus was a character in Greek mythology who was always looking at his own reflection. He was the most important thing in his world. Narcissistic, self-absorbed people think they world exists to serve them. When people cater to them, it only reinforces their mind-set. If there is a self-absorbed person in your life whom you care about and wish to help, then you must accept the challenge of getting them to embrace a new paradigm-acknowledging there are other people on planet earth with a life to share. Try these strategies for starters;

A)            Have them agree to let you help them with this problem

B)            Do not indulge their selfishness; do not let them “hog” the conversations.

C)            Insist that they listen and give you feedback on other topics of interest

D)           Whenever she tries to refocus the discussion on herself, just get quiet and do not respond.

E)           Don’t give up; you’re preparing them for godly relationships

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 20

DAY 20 THE JUDGMENTAL TONGUE

There is a difference between making judgments and being judgmental. We all must make practical judgments on a daily basis regarding what is best for our lives and those for whom we are responsible. On a spiritual level, we must discern and judge what we feel is from the Holy Spirit and what is not.

We become judgmental when we conclude that other people are wrong, unspiritual or inferior in some manner because they do not embrace the judgments we would make ourselves. Being judgmental is contrary to the will of God.

Judgmental people engage in critical, faultfinding assessment of another person’ behavior. What is amazing is that they judge others by their actions but judge themselves by their intentions. If someone’s behavior does not reflect a choice or decision we would have made, we judge it as wrong.

There are some people who pass judgement on others based solely upon rumors they may have heard that may not have any truth to it. Benjamin Franklin, said I will speak ill of no man, not even in the matter of truth, but rather excuse the faults I hear and upon proper occasion, speak all he good I know to everybody.

His philosophy follows the age old parental advise “ if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. We must be careful how we discuss others.

Read Matthew 7:3-5. Jesus based His judgment of people’s behavior on nothing other than God’s standard. This is the only base from which we can righteously judge. We would do well to focus more on judge ourselves than hunting for a speck in the matter of others.

Pray for those whom you observe walking contrary to God’s standards, but avoid judgment. If have a genuine concern for someone and have earned the right to address his or her behavior, then do so in the spirt of love. Remember that you earn the right by consistently demonstrating your care and support.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

MATTHEW 7:1-2 ROMANS 2:1       JAMES 4:12 PROVERBS 25:12     PROVERBS 25:8

1)              Have you ever make a judgment about someone , only to discover you were wrong in your assessment because you were not aware of all the facts?

2)             Who is the most judgmental person in your life? What does he or she do to show disapproval of your choices? How has this impacted how you judge others.

3)             Ask the Holy Spirit to take away all judgmental thinking and to give you a heart of love and acceptance. Know that acceptance of person does not mean acceptance of their sin.

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 19

DAY 19 THE RUDE TONGUE

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength, and luxuriates in the absence of self-respect” – Eric Hoffer

Rudeness is on the rise in our society and needs to be addressed in our personal lives since change begins on an individual lever. Rudeness stems from a heart of selfishness and the blatant disregard of the rights of others.

What has made us so rude? Is it the overbooked schedules, longer commuting times, demanding bosses, spoiled children, and the stress of daily living? Perhaps our lack of patience can be attributed to the modern convenience that allow us to do almost everything in mere seconds. Showing patience is a rare occurrence. Ill-mannered, discourteous communication has become standard practice. Even among God’s children.

Being rude to other is very denigrating to them and can spoil their entire day. Whatever happened to the Golden Rule? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” Luke 6:31. DO UNTO OTHERS? Why, we do not even have time to think about others! We are totally absorbed with our OWN AGENDAS. Just look around at all the cell phone users in public places.  Cell phone users seem to be totally oblivious to their annoying and offensive social misconduct.

What about the cashiers at the checkout stand who are so engages in their conversations with each other that they never offer a “hello” to you. THAT is so rude.

What if someone is rude to us? Should we just let it go? Is it biblical to address the situation or should we just grin and bear it? We should confront rudeness in a direct but non-offensive manner. It may not be necessary to tell a person “You are rude” However it is a good idea to let the, you are aware of her lack of graciousness at the moment. Sometimes a well phrased, caring question will do the trick.
Tough day, huh?” Of course, of you really feel that you have been mistreated, you should report the incident to someone in authority where possible.

Most importantly do not allow people to suck you into the vacuum of their negativity by matching their rudeness with rudeness.

Look at the following and see what you are guilty of:      

o  Using foul language in public

o  Making fun of someone’s appearance or physical handicap

o  Staring

o  Refusing to say hello when your customer approaches the desk/register

o  Piling you plate high with food at a party when other are waiting to serve themselves

o  Cutting into the line at the bank, supermarket, or other public places

o  Pointing out someone’s shortcoming or inadequacy

o  Name-calling

o  Calling someone fat

o  Being condescending

o  Changing the subject while someone is talking

o  Starting a side conversation with another person while socializing with a group

o  Slurping, smacking, sucking your teeth and making other annoying noises

o  Failing to speak to people in the hallways at work or church

o  Not saying “Good morning” or “Good Night” to family members

o  Snapping your fingers to get a food server’s attention

o  Yawning without covering your mouth

o  Not saying “please” when making a request of anyone

o  Not saying “excuse me” when you inconvenience someone

o  Putting callers on hold without asking for permission to do so

o  Transferring a caller to another extension without advance warning

o  Reaching across someone to pick up something

o  Switching the channel on the TV without acknowledging the desires of other viewers in the room

o  Yelling at your kids in public (regular discipline at home should negate this need)

o  Popping chewing gum

God’s people are patient, considerate, and kind. Remember that when you encounter a person whose actions beg you to respond in an ungodly way.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 18:13      PROVERBS 30:32-33      1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-5      ISAIAH 35:8

1)              Has anyone ever accused you of being rude? If so, what did you do to merit their assessment? How would you have responded if someone had done the same to you?

2)             When the poor speak, they have to beg politely, but when the rich answer, they are rude. (Proverbs 18:23) Has this been your experience with the affluent or powerful people with who you have interacted? Have you ever been rude to someone less fortunate than you? Why?

3)             People act in a rude manner either because they think it is okay or they feel they can get away with it. While most of us will feel righteous indignation at being subjected to rude acts, we must practice confronting in God-honoring ways. Otherwise, our silence may only reinforce the behavior. The next time someone is rude to you in a public place, try the shame game by pointing out the rude behavior. Most people don’t want other to think badly of them. So this may work. (CAUTION!  In other one-on-one situations, please use wisdom in confronting rudeness. If the person looks unsavory or hostile, just grin and bear it. Better to be safe than sorry.