30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 17

DAY 17 THE TACTLESS TONGUE

Tact is the ability to avoid being offensive in a negative circumstance. It is learned behavior that must be developed by experience, prayer and submission of our tongues to wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit. The extent to which one develops this skill can mean the difference between life and death- usually the death of a relationship.

One of the most important skills we can develop is the ability to deal with others with sensitivity and to speak inoffensively when we find ourselves in difficult or problematic situations. Is it necessary to brutally honest? After all, can’t we be honest without being brutal?

Even Job declared in the midst of his suffering, “How painful are honest words!” JOB 6:25 Must pain always accompany the truth? The extent to which a person experiences pain from being told the truth depends on numerous variable, including the degree of their emotional security, their perceived worth or their desire to grow.

We must understand that extending grace and telling the truth are not mutually exclusive concepts. We can tell the truth tactfully. What about mean-spirited truthfulness? Have you even been intentionally tactless? Usually at the root of those spoken truths, were anger, frustration, disappointment or retaliation. We must always be quick to apologize for our intentional and unintentional tactlessness,

The key is to develop a habit of being tactful in EVERY situation. Yes, becoming a tactful person does require some practice. This is why we need to THINK before we SPEAK. We can review the words in our minds and evaluate their impact. We can then choose to yield to the Holy Spirit’s leading. This practice alone will help us to develop the emotional discipline necessary for preventing tactless remarks.

If you have a tendency to be tactless, follow the steps below to developing more diplomacy:

a)             Always follow the Golden Rule” In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Pretend you are the recipient of the statement that you are about to make. Ask yourself, how would I feel if someone said this to me?

b)             Make every attempt to balance the negatives with positives.

c)              Play it safe. Assume that everybody is supersensitive and interact accordingly.

d)             When asked a no-win question such as “Does this make me look fat?” turn the question back to the inquirer with a remark like, “More important, how does it make YOU feel? Don’t turn your power of choice over to me.” Or if you are really courageous, you may respond (at your own risk), “I’ve seen you in outfits that may be a bit more flattering…” Pray for words that don’t hurt but that don’t lie!

         

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 16:23  PROVERBS 25:11   PROVERBS 31:26

PROVERBS 20:15

1)               If you were to take a poll of the people with who you interact the most, how do you think they would rate your tactfulness on a scale of one to ten, with ten being extremely gracious and tactful?

2)              How would you respond if someone greeted you at a party with this tactless remark. “That’s a nice outfit. It was really the rage during its fashion season”?

3)              Recall a tactless but truthful remark you made to someone. How did they respond? What amends, if any, did you make once you realized you had “put your foot in your mouth”.