30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 7

DAY 7      THE BOASTING TONGUE

People who boast are on a collision course with the wrath of God, for they believe they are personally responsible for their achievements or good fortune. Their self-exaltation steals God’s glory and sets them up for a great fall.

Are you proud of your accomplishments or your possessions that you cannot help but boast about them? Boasting implies that your good fortune us a result of your own efforts. If so, you have forgotten that everything you have came from God.

We must learn to consciously take a backseat when pride screams for the front row. If you are prideful, meditate on scriptures that deal with humility and pride.

Whatever skill or talents God has given you, they are for HIS glory (not yours). Learn to take praise in stride. If your popularity increases, don’t be intoxicated by the accolades. Remember that praise is like a perfume. If you consume it, it will kill you.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

2 CORINTHIANS 10:18   PSALM 49:20  PROVERBS 21:1-2

1)               What accomplishment has brought you the most praise and recognition? Can you admit to find subtle ways to letting others know about it?

2)              Read Daniel 4:28-37. According to Nebuchadnezzar, how does God deal with those who boast and walk in pride? Write verse 37 down and mediated on it throughout the day. Memorize it.

3)              READ the NIV Translation of 1 Corinthians 4:7.  Rewrite this passage in the form of a personal declaration and acknowledgement of God’s role in all you achieve.

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 6

DAY 6       THE ARGUMENTATIVE TONGUE

One quarrelsome person can impact the peace and effectiveness of an entire group. Their contentiousness arises from a selfish, unchecked ego that fails to respect the opinions of others and that thrives on displaying intellectual superiority.

Unlike divisive people, whose actions destroy unity between parties, argumentative people enjoy directly resisting anyone whose viewpoints is different from theirs.. In fact, they seem to stay on high alerts for anything they can discuss that will get someone else on the defensive.

Being argumentative is a futile use fo the tongue and certainly not the way to win friends or influence people. So why do people become quarrelers?

Many quarrelers grew up in homes where arguing was as much a pattern as eating, thus they think it is normal to contend. But it is an ineffective form of communication. This includes personal attacks on character and name calling.

Another reason some people resort to quarreling is to bolster their own self-word. They can only feel good about themselves by attacking the validity of other people’s opinions, philosophies or beliefs and then maneuvering them into defending their position. The quarreler’s goal is not to add value to someone’s life by showing him the error of his ways.

King Solomon said “Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” Provers 17:14. Even Jesus said to “agree with your adversary quickly”

Most people, except fellow quarrelers, will minimize or avoid discussion with a person who is argumentative.

One of the Challenges for God’s children’s is to learn to disagree without being disagreeable. We glorify God when we remain loving even when we disagree with the views and values of unbelievers. We must be careful how we disagree lest we compromise our testimony. Don’t be mean spirited, but we can show grace with our protest.

Benjamin Franklin was known to remark diplomatically “ On this point, I agree. But one the other, if you don’t mind, may I take exception”

If you have a tendency to be contentious or argumentative, remember that it cost you absolutely nothing to respect someone’s opinion-especially on matters that have no eternal consequences.

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 20:3    PROVERBS 17:19   PROVERBS 18:6

PROVERBS 18:19   PROVERBS 17:14   

1)               If you tend to be quarrelsome, what do you think is your root cause?

2)              What subject matter do you find yourself arguing about the most frequently? Does your stance on this matter have a clear biblical basis, or could it be a matter of your personal interpretations?

3)              Using Proverbs 20:3 and 17:9, as your foundation, write a short prayer asking God to give you the wisdom to know when and how to put forth your convictions without being quarrelsome.

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE - DAY 5

Day 5     THE DIVISIVE TONGUE

Divisiveness is a terrible sin, for it prevents the unity Jesus so ardently prayed for during his final days on earth. It also thwarts the effectiveness that results when people work together in harmony.

Divide and conquer is one of Satan’s most effective strategies for hindering the effectiveness of any effort undertaken by two or more people. He knows what can happen when people work in harmony. The result is power, synergy and blessings. Therefore, he will make EVERY effort to bring division.

Sometimes it is hard to believe there are people who deliberately engage in bringing dissension.  There people who like to pick fights too and it seems to make them a happier person.

In Proverbs chapter 6, it list 7 things that the Lord detest and one of them is anyone who stirs up dissention among others. As believers, we are urges by Paul to keep “the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace”. Yet, keeping peace does require tremendous effort at times. “We cannot afford to be ignorant of Satan’s tactics to keep us at odds. He will cause us to become offended over a harmless statement, to read more meaning into a comment that the speaker intended, to ascribe impure motives to someone’s’ behavior or to believe a lie”

The Holy Spirit will surely reveal the truth of a situation. When we rely on Him, He will direct us into a peaceful resolution of our issues. In fact, some of our conflicts can become stepping stones to stronger relationships when we make a commitment to understand each other and to refrain from divisiveness

Have you use your tongue to sow discord? Anytime you tell another person something NEGATIVE that someone ELSE has said about them, YOU are being divisive. OUCH!!!! That bears repeating.

ANYTIME YOU TELL ANOTHER PERSON SOMETHING NEGATIVE THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS SAID ABOUT THEM, YOU ARE BEING DIVISIVE.

This is not to say you should avoid warning a person about another who is not acting in their best interest. However you must be honest about your underlying motive. Are you trying to gain favor? Or maybe you are using your own feelings about that person at the expense of another. Whatever your reason it is still the same and a relationship will be damages and GOD will be displeased

Not only are we to refrain from causing division, we must also become active agents of peace, using our best efforts to reconcile parties in conflict..

READINGS AND REFLECTIONS

PROVERBS 6: 16-19      PROVERBS 29:22  EPHESIANS 4:3

1 PETER 3:8                   JAMES 3:18

1)   List the 7 things God detest in Proverbs 6:16-17. Circle the three that are committed with the tongue.

2)  Have you ever had a relationship ruined because of someone else’s divisiveness?

3)  Are you aware of two or more persons who are in conflict? Ask God to give you the wisdom to play the role of peace-maker.

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 4

DAY 4  THE HASTY TONGUE

Do you sometimes offend others because you do not engage your brain before shifting you tongue into drive? Have you ever made a commitment to God or man without giving it much consideration and later reneged on it?

Words said in haste can ruin relationships at every level of human interaction: professionally, socially and personally. When we give little or no real thought to our assertions, promises or proclamations, we set ourselves up for failure, heartache and regret. Since words can NEVER be recovered, we must take great care in releasing them.

No matter how holy we are, we will eventually offend somebody because of hasty speech. James 3:2 says “For in many things we offend all. IF any mad offend not in word, the same is a perfect man and able also to bridle his body”, We can never be aware of all of the sensitivities of others, so we must depend on the Holy Spirit to direct our speech in a way that does not tap into their pain, distress or others negative experiences. We all have seen people innocently offend others in an attempt to interject humor in a situation.

The Bible cautions “He who answers before listening- that is his folly and his shame”. So people answer without even hearing the question or statement.

When it comes to making commitments, God expects us to keep our promises. In Ecclesiastes Solomon warns us against making a hasty ill-considered vows to the Lord and he also explains that we should not try to wiggle out of our commitments by saying that it was a mistake.

Jephthah vowed that if God would give him the victory in battles, he would sacrifice to the Lord the first thing that came out of his house upon his return. Little did he know that “first thing” would be his only daughter. We need to STOP, THINK, and PRAY before you speak. especially when making a commitment to God.

A good pause would serve us well in the long run. Time and words are two things that once gone cane never be recovered. We must take time to weigh our words before we release them

REFLECTIONS AND READINGS

JAMES 1:19-20                                  ECCLESIATES 5:2                     JUDGES 11:30-40                             PROVERBS 29:20                  PROVERBS 18:13

1)   Recall the last time you spoke words you wish you could recall. What negative consequence(s) did you have to face?

2)  Just for today, try to resist being anxious to make your point. Implement a five-second “response delay” rule for responding to anything.

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE - DAY 3

DAY 3 THE MANIPULATING TONGUE

Manipulation is an attempt to influence someone’s behavior in order to achieve a desire outcome. Manipulators are masters at exploiting the fears, weaknesses and insecurities of others. Their motives are not always purely selfish.  Sometimes manipulators have controlling personalities and simply feel that they know what’s best for all concerned. They have a hard time accepting the fact that other people have a free will and a right to make good or bad decisions for their lives.

Manipulators employ various tactics in order to get their way: flattering or over complimenting, kissing up, attempting to produce guilt by blaming or shaming, distorting the truth, withholding information, pretending to be hurt emotionally, appealing to other’s insecurities or ego, practice false humility, make subtle threats, crying, nagging, hinting or making indirect comments, using financial enticements, any other behavior that will tug at the emotions of their victims.

The story of Samson and Delilah is the perfect story of manipulation, Samson was a chosen man of God, but he was drawn to ungodly women. God gave him super strength as long as he never cut his hair. He fell in love with a greedy, conniving Philistine woman named Delilah. After many attempts of using the age old guilt inducing “if you love me, you would” argument, she manipulated Samson into telling his secret of his strength. This unveiling soon brought on Samson’s demised.

Such a tragic end of a strong man who was weaken by a manipulative woman. Manipulation can destroy not only a relationship but also a person’s life.

Manipulation is a crafty use of the tongue and a self-perpetuating vice. One the manipulator finds that their techniques work, they become proud of their “smooth operating” skills. They will use all kinds of indirect tactics ranging from “guilt trips” to portraying themselves as innocent, suffering victims of various circumstances. They may even start to enjoy their ability to influence others in such a manner.

Future more, manipulators lose all credibility once people become aware of their propensity to engage in such behavior. People will suspect that they always have ulterior motives and will avoid them like the plague.

We never read of Jesus manipulating anybody. He always offers everyone better way of life but accepted their decisions to pursue another options even when it was not in their best interest.

Manipulation is deceptive and attempts to take away a person’s freewill choice. God’s children must not practice nor tolerate such behavior.

REFLECTIONS AND READINGS

JUDGES 16:4-22   ROMANS 12:6-8     GALATIANS 1:10

2 CORITHAINS 4:2

1)               From the list of various manipulative tactics, list the behaviors that you have resorted to in the past.

2)              What was Delilah’s motive for manipulating Samson into telling her the secret to his great physical strength? What tactic did she use?

3)              Is there a person in your circle of interaction who tries to manipulate you or someone else?

4)              Read Luke 20:20-26. List at least two manipulation tactics used by the spies who were sent by the Jewish religious leaders to trap Jesus into making an incrimination remarks about paying taxes Roman government? How did Jesus responds?

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE DAY 2

JUNE 2, 2016    DAY 2

THE FLATTERING TONGUE

Flattery will get you anything. Or does it?

Can you recall some pick-up lines that men told you in your younger days? (or even older days). According to an internet poll, the most effective pick-up line was “ How does it feel to be the most beautiful woman in the room?”

If I was told that, I knew it was a lie. My beauty is on the inside. Flattery is a lie covered with a “bed of flowery words”.  When people engage in this type of dishonest communication it is usually to gain favor. Now the desire to gain favor is not always something tangible or material. It can be something intangible like being accepted. The flatterer may have a low self-esteem and believe others will like him if he compliments them.’

When you engage in flattery, it shows that one had lack of faith in God’s ability to give him or her favor with other people. Favor is a fringe benefit of being in right standing with God.

There are many instances in the Bible of God giving people favor with men with not effort on their part. Esther was given favor with the king of Persia. Daniel was given favor with one of the king’s officers to allow him and his three friend to have a different meal. Joseph was given favor in Egypt. These people didn’t resort to any form of self-effort to get this gain.

Can you think of a time when you flattered someone by giving an insincere compliment? How did you feel afterwards? Unless you have grown accustom to insincere behavior and become insensitive to the Holy Spirit, flattering someone will most likely cause you to feel you have violated your personal integrity.

Maybe you are a flatterer. If you are, understand that when you are over-complimenting a person, the impact of your words will soon lose power. Sometimes we can be vulnerable to flattery. In times when we feel overlooked, unappreciated, and unattractive or a multitude of other negative emotions that Satan brings.

REFLECTIONS AND READINGS

PROVERBS 29:5              PSALM 12:2-3  1 THESSALONIANS 2:5        PROVERBS 28:23

1)    Have you ever engaged in flattery in order to obtain something? Did you receive it? What do you think would have happened had you not flattered the person? What does your action say about your faith in God’s promise to supply all of your needs?

2)   Read Psalm 5:12. What is the requirement for being surrounded with God’s favor?

30 DAYS TO TAMING YOUR TONGUE – DAY 1

       

  

                 JUNE 1 - THE LYING TONGUE 

Everything we do and say must be based upon the truth; lies make a shaky foundation for any relationship. Lying comes in four primary forms:

1.  DECEITFULNESS

2. HALF-TRUTHS

3. EXAGGERATIONS

4. FLATTERY

We will be talking about the first three and save flattery for another day.

DECEITFULNESS

Have you ever “tweaked” your tax income by claiming something that wasn’t true to get a bigger refund?

Why do some people practice deception? Many do it for financial gains, for social advantage, to hide immoral acts or to obtain other “benefits. Deceit is in the Bible too. Remember the story of Jacob and Esau? The brothers where Jacob, whose name means “trickster”, deceived his father to get his brothers birthright. When Esau found out he threatened to kill Jacob. So Jacob was forced to leave the town and went to his Uncle Laban to live. Now “Uncle Laban” deceived Jacob a few times. First is that Jacob wanted to marry Rachel and after working for Laban for 7 years Laban gave (tricked) him in marrying another one of his daughters, Leah. Jacob had to work another 7 years before he could marry the woman that he loved. When Jacob abandoned his deceitful ways, God blessed him.

Deception takes place when you intentional try to get someone to believe something you know is not true. It occurs in numerous forms, depending upon the creativity and the desire of the deceiver.

When we engage in deceitfulness it is a slap in God’s face and can have dire consequences. When we make a choice not to trust him to handle a situation, when in essence decide He is a liar and will renege on His promise to meet our NEEDS.

We then proceed to make our own way by any means necessary-even being deceptive. In doing so we forfeit the good life God had planned for us.

HALF TRUTHS

I clearly recall a time many years ago, where I was out of town. Now my mother was a worrier and I had to report to her anytime I left town, where I was and what I was going. I felt like a teenager. Anyway, to not cause her the stress of worrying, many times I left town without telling her. Usually she didn’t call me when I had done so, but this one time she did. She said “ where are you?” , I said “ I am outside” which I was, but is was nowhere near being outside at my house, which I made her think. But the “undisclosed” information would have triggered her anxiety. See mother was thinking that I was outside at my home and thus I was lying. ANY intent to deceive is a lie, even if half of it is true.

That is why when we take an oath that we swear to tell the WHOLE truth, not a fraction or part of it.

EXAGGERATING

Do you know of any who embellishes a story in order to get more attention from a listener? I do. In fact, I know a few of them. Exaggerating may seem harmless, but it is another form of lying.  If you are known for exaggerating, or “stretching the truth”, you will soon lose credibility with others. You have heard the saying, “you should only believe about half of anything they say”. Is that how you would want others to think of you?

It is one thing to get excited and enthusiastic telling a story, just avoid exaggerations. Stick to the faces at face value and resist the urge to be the center of attention by engaging in this form of lying. 

REFLECTION AND READINGS:

PROVERBS 12:22, PSALM 120:2, REVELATIONS 21:8, PROVERBS 17:20, 1 PETER 3:10

1.    Of the three categories of lies listed above, which do you find yourself most frequently tempted?

2.   Read the story of Esau and Jacob (Genesis 27). What “benefit” motivated Jacob to trick his father into giving him the blessing of the firstborn?

3.   Do you feel there is every a justifiable reason for lying? If yes, explain. Can you find a biblical reference for your rationale?

TODAY’S AFFIRMATION