UNGLUED CHAPTER 5

WEEK 3 CHAPTER 5

EXPLODERS

So last week we learned there are two kind of “unglued” people, with each kind having two subcategories.  This week we will be focusing on these more carefully.  I am sure, like me, you all have reflected and could see you doing them all, however, most of the time, and you are probably more of one than the others.

Raw emotions are complicated. WHY? There are many variable that get involved with them. Some variable of our own making, some of other people’s making and some that no one has control over. Quote from our author says “ Raw emotions won’t sit quietly awaiting further instructions. They will move: outward if we explode and inward if we stuff.

I love the example where Lysa mentioned a “women with a special ministry of discouragement”. Do you know of any people like this? I do. Some just have words of discouragement and others just bring it with their presences. You know what I mean! People like these can and generally will bring our your raw emotions.

Anyway lets look at Exploders.

THE EXPLODER WHO SHAMES HERSELF

Lysa gave us some ideas as to how not to explode on someone and they later regret it. Especially if someone says or does something that we feel like “giving them a piece of our mind.”

1)  Begin your response by HONORING THE ONE OFFENDED. (Hard, hard pill to swallow).  I remember one time. My brother was giving planning a birthday party for my mother on her 80^th birthday. It was a surprise. Well afterward another friend of mine was hurt that she was not invited, blamed me and call my mother to wish her a belated birthday and apologized for not being at her party. There were a couple more time in different situations that she “got her feeling hurt” because she was not invited. Kinda like the women in Lysa’s story. Boy did I want to let here have it, especially getting my mother involved.

Anyway, when we honor someone who has been offended, we need to honor them as a person, a child of God. We need to point out their good qualities (yes everyone has some).

2)   KEEP YOUR RESPONSE SHORT AND FULL OF GRACE. Like the mnemonic KISS…keep it short and simple. The more you say usually the worse off the situation will get. If something needs to be explained or clarified, keep it factual and wrapped in grace. Gentle honesty. If an apology is warranted do so and ask for grace. The example from the book “ Please accept my most sincere apology for causing you and your daughter hurt. Thank you for extending me grace in the situation”.

3)  END BY EXTENDING COMPASSION

Be the rare person who offers love to the “hard-to-love” person. Don’t fake it. Some situations can make it impossible to be wrapped in love.

If you are doing this via text or email, end with simple comment “Blessings…Thank You…With grace. 

Remember, not ever harsh word need a response. Ask God to help you know when to deal with it and when to let it go.

THE EXPLODER WHO BLAMES OTHERS

Have you ever known anyone who when someone was it talk to them about what they had done wrong, that person starts blaming others? That is what I think of when our author talks of the exploder who blames others. Have you ever done this?

What is needed to stop this is self-control. Our feeling should be INDICATIORS not DICTATORS. Feeling should NEVER dictate how we respond. WE DO HAVE A CHOICE!!

Our choice is not to let the any person the power to control our feelings. Generally the one who holds their tongue , hold the power. But when you yell, flap your arms around, jump up and down or point your finger, you are giving the power to another.

To hold your tongue, maybe hard. In that case, just take a time out. Find a place away from the situation where is it quiet and give yourself a few minutes. Like the song says “Have a little talk with Jesus, makes it right”.  The brief moment of silence with do few things.

1)  You will feel safe enough to humble yourself. We don’t need to be loud and proud.

2)  God will lift us up to a more rational place.

3)  Anxiety gives was to progress.

4)  We acknowledge that our real enemy isn’t the other person.

5)  We can rest assured God will use this conflict for good, no matter how it turns out.